Saturday, December 13, 2008

Being Thankful...

There are those times in our lives when we feel so helpless... so out of control...

Running on nothing but pure panic and adrenaline...

And only in retrospect can we realize the sheer magnitude of what transpired... try to piece together the details... and begin the healing process.

Last Tuesday was a beautifully snowy day - the holidays are here and the Lew family loves it! The big boys went down for their naps as usual and the babies started to wake up to eat right around the time I had finished cleaning up the PB&J lunch mess. Now, when I have help in feeding the babies we operate under the "if one wakes up, they ALL get up" rule - to keep some sort of schedule (I KNOW it seems cruel and wrong that we actually wake sleeping babies - but a schedule is better for everyone involved). However when I am alone with all the kids I try my darndest to nurse two before the other two are really ticked off and hungry too. Trust me, I have fed all four at once due to extremely upset babies on more than one occasion (nurse two with a boppy on each side with bottles for the other two) and burping becomes a SERIOUS juggling act!

So, since Summer and Brock were stirring first, I changed and then nursed them while Cam and Dane were still asleep. It is during these rare quiet times that I really, TRULY get a chance to reflect on how amazing our lives are with these gorgeously healthy and happy babies - each one of them so beautiful and precious, yet each one of them so different and unique.

Once Summer and Brock were done eating I played with them for a bit - these babies have things to say and are always full of smiles on a full belly =) Then I made the 1/2 and 1/2 bottles up for Cam and Dane and put their water in the microwave to heat up while I went to wake them and change their diaper (yes, we are painfully consistent). As I was walking out of the kitchen to get Dane, Aiden came walking down the hallway - he had woken up from his nap (or never fallen asleep) and at 4-1/2 he is only required to rest in his bed for a bit. 9 times out of 10, he totally falls asleep and naps, but when he doesn't it is no big deal. I know there are not many kids his age that still nap and he's going to school next year so he needs to start out growing it anyhow.

Since Dane and Cam were still sleeping I asked him if he wanted to read a book before I fed the babies, so we were heading into the back playroom to pick one out when Dane woke up. And Dane likes to be heard. Brotha' has a set of LUNGS on him, folks! So, when Dane talks, I typically listen - ha! So, sadly, as it goes, I turned and looked at Aiden and said "You go ahead and pick out the book, buddy. I am going to start feeding the babies and we'll read it as soon as I'm done, OK?" So, Aiden plotted back by himself and I went in to get Cameron (since I knew Dane was awake, eh?).

Cameron was sleeping on his back in his bed. We keep them all slightly elevated while they sleep and he had a couple pillows with a blanket overtop them creating a nice little nest for him. Only when I walked in I couldn't see Cameron.

He had somehow gotten his hand underneath the corner of the blanket and had flipped the corner of it just enough so that it was covering his face about over to his ear. Immediately my heart dropped and I ran up to pull it away...

Cameron had thrown up in his sleep - and whether or not this is what caused his reflexes to jump and toss the blanket over his face or not, we will never know... but what we do know is that the thick, mucusy spit up was plugging his nose and mouth and the blanket was over top it all. No airways were open, and therefore Cameron was not breathing. Cameron's face was bluish grey and his eye lids looked almost black.

To write these words now makes the event seem so... casual. Such a flippant conversation. Like I am sharing something I saw on the Discovery Health Channel or something.

Please know that this was by far one of the scariest events of my entire life.

I wish I could tell you exactly what was going through my mind and how I kept it all together - but I can not and did not. I was absolutely terrified and it's almost as if my body went numb in a state of shock in it's effort to process what was happening. There was no one else in my life but Cam, and as I grabbed him and flung him over my shoulder screaming his name I have no memory of being conscious of our other children all being in the house and watching me. For this I am sorry. All the training in the world does not prepare a mother to see her child in the state that I found Cameron.

What was my immediate thought? I honestly don't know. But I knew enough to do everything in my power to get our baby breathing. And thank God I knew enough to pick up my phone and dial '911' above everything else.

I could write pages on the phone call I had with '911' - it was such an emotional, torturous, frustrating experience. I am not saying the people who work the lines are not Saints, because clearly they are. But when you are in such a mad state of panic that you can barely breathe, the last thing you need is some overly calm gentleman telling you "M'am. I need you to calm down now. Tell me your name. And... M'am. I said you need to just calm down so I can talk to you. I am trying to help you m'am. Please calm down now..."

Repeat. Times 40.

All the while I am screaming into the phone "My baby is NOT breathing! My baby is BLUE! I need an ambulance here NOW! 204 Birchwood - 204 BIRCHWOOD! PLEASE HELP ME! PLEASE HELP ME NOW! Oh my God, Oh my God... Did you call the ambulance? We are at 204 Birchwood! Why aren't they here yet? HELP ME!!"

And in the background this man hears Dane cry so he actually says to me "M'am! Your baby is BREATHING! I hear your baby crying! M'am! Listen to me! He is breathing!" I do not know how to express this frustration. Wrong baby, wrong baby... and that is very hard to explain when you are in a state of utter dispair and panic.

As I was walking around the house screaming Cameron's name and trying to talk to '911' I had Cameron up on my shoulder and was whacking him in an effort to clear his airways. I was a lifeguard for many years and trained in CPR, but I thought that if I tried to blow in his nose and mouth I might make the situation worse... I grabbed our CPR/FIRST AID sheet off the fridge and began reading a bit more - it was more of a panic scan - but I still thought that I was better off not administering CPR.

Around this time little Caleb came out of his room crying. I had woken him up from his nap with my cries for help. Imagine how scared our beautiful Cale was to find mommy in the state she was as he turned the corner. The poor thing...

It felt like years, and I do not know if it was 10 minutes or 40 minutes - but somewhere along the chain of events, Cameron coughed. Not an earth-shattering cough. But a meek cough, a cough that did not prove to clear much - but a cough. And no matter how small it was I knew that it meant we had break through. Air could make it's way into Cameron's lungs and our baby could breathe.

Thanks be to God.

The amount of mucus that Cameron cleared with his cough was not barely enough to keep him conscious. And unless I continued to hit him on the back he kept falling unconscious in my arms... in my arms... I was absolutely convinced that I was going to watch my baby die in my arms that day... reliving that day... these tears running down my cheeks all over again. .

At some point I ran Cameron over to the window to try and get a look into his eyes... I know they are so telling... but what I saw was so frightening. His little eyes simply could not focus - they were opened only a hair - slits - and they were darting back and forth so quickly - focusing on nothing at all - they were not focusing on anything - just rapidly bouncing left to right to left to right... and his mouth, his mouth was hanging open a bit and bubbling or foaming...

It was absolutely terrifying to witness - our baby boy appeared to be gone. His mind seemed void, on autopilot, in a scary place. It was almost seizure-like, if I had to try and explain it better. Although I have never truly seen a seizure so I can't say for sure. It was horrible. And after seeing that my gut told me that our Cam might never be coming back.

I was still on the phone with '911' and felt like I was getting no where - the ambulance was still not here and it felt like it had been hours since I found Cameron. I felt that every single second was a gift that I could keep him hanging on - I was so frustrated and, well, almost angry at this point. Just screaming into the phone "Why aren't you here yet? Did you even CALL an ambulance? I need you to help my baby!"

The phone fell to the ground as I once again felt Cameron go limp in my arms and I panicked to stimulate him into consciousness... I was able to do so and I then ran to find the FIRST AID/CPR sheet again to see if there was anything I could be doing - should be doing better to help our baby. I then laid Cameron on the ground to see him better, picked up the phone, and quickly scanned the sheet in front of me.

I believe that it was around this time that I looked up for the first time.

There stood Aiden and Caleb. They were side by side in the doorway between the back playroom and the living room... just standing... and staring... at their mommy... who had completely lost control... and though they were not crying out loud, they had tears rolling down their little cheeks... I broke inside all over again realizing what they were witnessing and how I had failed to be a brave and strong mommy for them. They were truly scared stiff - and at 2 and 4 years old I can't even imagine how devastating it was to their system.

But unfortunately I could do very little to console them at that point because I, myself, was completely unstable. I went up to them and asked them to come into the back room and mommy would put the TV on for them - usually a rare treat that they would jump at - but they barely budged. Caleb actually turned away from me and Aiden just stared. I told them that I was sorry for what they were seeing but that Cameron was having trouble breathing and mommy was very scared... very scared... because I love them all so much and don't want anything to happen to any of them.

This seemed to do little to console either of them, but I was able to lure them to the couch and put on a cartoon while the gentleman from '911' lingered on the phone. He was repeating himself over and over still "M'am - you have to calm down, m'am. I can't help you unless you calm down. Are you on Birchwood Street or Birchwood Drive? M'am. I need you to listen to me..."

Apparently, overly calm people really piss me off when I am in a state of shock.

I was back to pacing the house and shouting back at him "WHERE IS THE AMBULANCE? WHY AREN'T THEY HERE YET!?!?" Again, I don't know if this all transpired over 15 minutes or an hour... I honestly don't.

And then I hung up.

I still hadn't called Jeremy and I really needed him there with me, and most importantly, the rest of our family needed him there.

When I heard his voice on the other end of my phone I completely lost it again - it was all I could do to squeek out a "Jeremy, I need you to come home. Now." I felt bad to leave him without any more information, but I honestly couldn't get any more out. It was as if all the life was getting sucked out of me too by this point - the adrenaline was wearing thin after so long - hearing Jeremy's voice allowed me to come down knowing help was REALLY on the way? I'm not sure. But I was just weak. Exhausted. I wanted Cameron to be OK... and yet, deep, deep down I honestly thought he was gone forever. I thought that the adorable, happy, smiley, cutsie, baby-faced Cameron we have come to love over the past 4-1/2 months was gone forever. He was still floating in and out of consciousness and all I could do was begin to pray.

I dropped to my knees and began to recite 'Hail Mary, full of grace...' over and over and over and over... all while rocking our baby and trying to keep him conscious. The other babies wailed in the background. Our big boys were sitting shocked in the back room. And there we were. Praying.

We had just had the developmental assessment team from Early On over the day prior - and every single one of our babies were doing SO WELL. They are progressing beautifully and are far beyond their 'adjusted age' - yet not all quite up to their 'gestational age' - but close. We were elated not but 24 hours prior.

How quickly our lives can change. How easily we take the good news for granted until...

The ambulance was finally here. The paramedics busted through the front door as I was on my knees still with Cameron - I wonder what a sight I was. And I can still remember them looking around, hearing the other babies cry, and asking "Where is the baby?"

As if I wouldn't be HOLDING the baby. I don't know sometimes... I just don't know.

I can still remember exactly where everyone was that day - Cam in my arms, Summer and Dane both in swings, Brock asleep in the bed, and Aiden and Caleb in the back. Imagine how confusing the situation was as they walked in. They just kept walking around saying "Who is here helping you? There is another one? How many are there? Who else is here again?" And then, finally, they took Cameron from me and pretty much escorted me out of the kitchen where they had laid him saying "M'am - you need to get back. Your other babies need you."

By the way, if I am NEVER called M'AM again - it will be to freaking soon.

M'am my arce.

But I knew they were right - they needed space to evaluate Cameron and I had 4 other children that I had completely neglected at this point that needed me (remember Brockee was sleeping).

So I picked up Dane and Summer and went to the back to see how Aiden and Caleb were doing... they seemed OK at this point - just kind of zoning out in cartoon world. And then one of the paramedics, or policemen, or someone came into the back to find me. He rounded the corner and exclaimed "Wow - there are MORE back here? How many kids are in the house, m'am?" And then, catching himself said to the boys "How are you guys?" They were impressed with this dude, he was in uniform. But it certainly added to the anxiety levels.

They wouldn't allow me near Cam and I began pacing the living room with Dane and Summer still in my arms, trying to find out what was going on. Was he breathing? Was he going to be OK? I had no idea how long Cameron had been without oxygen, and I never will... and that is all that I could think about and ask over and over...

Our neighbor Val, bless her heart, showed up and asked what she could do to help and who she could call to come stay with her and watch the kids. I was a wreck and no help what so ever. I am not even sure that I answered her. But she took over and began making calls. Thank you, Val. The first familar face I saw since it happened and I took great comfort in having her there to help.

The police officers began asking questions about where Cameron was, how it happened, etc. and I did my best to tell them everything over and over. There were SO MANY officers/paramedics and detectives there. I just wanted to get our baby to the hospital and save him. Ask questions later. And I wanted Jeremy with me... but he still wasn't home.

Val assured me that she was fine until Jeremy or a friend of hers arrived, and once I knew help was on the way I could leave with the ambulance to take Cameron into the hospital. They assured me that he was getting oxygen, they had a mask on him by now, and that he "Seems OK." That was the magic phrase from every one of them. He "seems OK". That tells you nothing and that is the way they need it to be. I wasn't allowed to sit in back with him, and that was frustrating and difficult, but I was there with him and talking to him every minute... asking questions...

Jeremy was running up the drive as we were pulling out... my poor husband... he had no answers and could not even come with us... only one person can ride in the ambulance and we needed him inside with Val to take care of all the kids. I wanted him with me more than anything. And as he kissed me through the ambulance window he once again proved to be my rock as he looked me in the eye and told me "Everything will be OK, T. I love you." I love you so much, Jeremy. Thank you for being so strong... for me.. and for our family.

In the emergency room Cameron continued to float in and out - but his color started coming back as they had suctioned him out the entire way to the hospital and his airways were clear. They had him on assisted air and now I FINALLY knew our baby Cam was getting the oxygen he needed. But he wasn't our Cam yet. He was mostly just sleeping, but would occasionally open his eyes a tiny bit to protest a needle or IV or something else they were doing to him - and he was crying which was a good sign too. He did not cry once until we were in the ambulance on the way to the hospital... the silence is terrifying when you know your baby is in distress and fighting for their breath.

Jeremy made it to the hospital fairly quickly - again - I don't have any real sense of the time - but I was extremely happy to have him by my side holding Cameron's hand and talking to him. We were in the ER for a LONG time - the first thing they did (other than IV, oxygen, ad suctioning) was xray his lungs to see if Cam did indeed aspirate the spit up. They scare you to pieces about this in the NICU and stress over and over how dangerous it is for little babies to choke and aspirate because it can lead to pneumonia... they explained to us that if indeed he did asperate that there was a good chance he would be transferred downstate - to DeVos Children's Hospital in Grand Rapids - because they do not have a pediatric unit equipped to deal with this type of illness yet.

DeVos Children's... where Aiden and Meadow were born. We know the hospital well... we still consider everyone that took care of us and our twins angels... but we were not anxious to return with a critically ill child and split up our family. We tried not to get worked up until we knew something for sure - but the thought of transferring Cameron was heart breaking.

I finally got a hold of my mom, who was actually AT the hospital working when we were admitted, but I couldn't get a hold of her until she was on her way home. So she turned around and was in with us now too. Thankfully, Jeremy had called Jess & Hans to come down to help Val, her son, and another neighbor watch the kids... so we were comforted knowing there were certainly enough hands on deck to help out with the big boys and other babies while we were all with Cameron at the hospital. But we also knew that the big boys would be really comforted by Grammie being home - since she lives with us and is a source of stability for them. So she only stayed about an hour and then headed back to man the fort with Uncle Hans and Aunt Jess (and Avery!). I can't thank everyone enough for dropping whatever it was they were doing in their lives to help us that day... Val, Hans, Jess, my mom, neighbors... the list goes on... thank you all. It is amazing to realize that we are so well taken care of here in Traverse... I have often thought how different it would've been had we still been living in Bellaire. We have very few neighbors in Hawk's Eye during the winter (snow birds) and the nearest hospital takes 45 minutes to get to... much longer on snowy roads like we had that Tuesday.

Once they had results, the doctor explained to us that the xray of Cam's lungs showed that he did aspirate the spit up... they thought. The only xray of his lungs they had to compare it to was from the NICU - and if you remember - Cam had a small hole in his lung in the NICU which caused a portion of his upper lung to appear fuzzy on the xray. Just like what your xray would look like if you aspirated spit up - fuzzy. So the results were tough to decipher... great.

By the time our pediatrician came in to see us and discuss their findings we still had no idea if we were staying or going... but she was awesome. Our doctor truly calmed our fears and did a fantastic job of putting Cam's situation into perspective. She assured us that she did not feel it was necessary to transfer him down to Grand Rapids unless he took a turn for the worse overnight - but she had no reason to anticipate that happening. Not that he wasn't sick - he had surely been through h*ll and back... we were all still extremely grateful that he appeared to be recovering as he was needing less and less oxygen assistance as the night wore on - but he was not declining and that was phenominal news. I still couldn't stop reiterating the fact that I had no idea how long he laid in the bed without oxygen before I found him... and asking how we would know if there was any lasting damage? Cameron was not declining, but he also was no where near the smily, bubbly Cameron we knew and loved. He was still extremely wiped out and sleeping most of the time. But he started to respond to our voices a bit and open his eyes a little more. I did nurse him as well after I checked with our ped to make sure it was OK - since I knew it would be a good sign if he would/could eat - and he had missed 2 feedings now. He did wonderfully and we were all so happy with his progress... but the ped explained over and over that it is really a 'wait and see' game with this type of incident to determine if there are any long-term lasting effects. They were keeping us at least over night to run all sorts of tests; more xrays, ekg, eeg, etc. and try to get as much information as we could on Cameron's situation.

We were moved up into the pediatric unit that night where Cameron and I stayed so he could be closely monitored... I was even allowed clearance to have Jeremy bring another baby back up with him to stay with Cameron and I for the night (he had went home prior to our getting moved to put the big boys to bed and pack me a bag) so that it wouldn't be so hard on him and Grammie over night. But in the end the roads actually got pretty bad and it was late before they were finished feeding the other babies... so we decided it was best that he didn't come back up.

Cameron and I had date night.

All alone - for the first time he didn't have to share mommy... he deserved it and I was thankful to have this time with him. I really don't want this to come out the wrong way - but I'm sure it will... I have said to a select few that there are times I feel saddened for those mommies out there who have only experienced high order multiples. I do not mean any disrespect by this for certainly it is an extremely challenging road to mow and I applaud those who do not succumb to the pressures out there... I won't go there right now for fear of writing another 20 pages on a tangent. But if you have read earlier blogs you have an idea what I am talking about. However, there are certain things that you truly do miss out on with multiples that we are all aware of - the most difficult being time alone with each baby and enough time in the day to feel that you gave each of them as much attention and love as they could absorb. Another is feeding times. Pretty sure that I have made myself abundantly clear on my stance with regards to nursing your children. And with Aiden and Caleb - having only one child to nurse makes it an amazingly beautiful and selfish experience for mommy. I was never shy about the fact that it was one of my favorite times with our babies because I didn't have to share them with anyone... it was so comforting to them... and you are the center of their universe during that time... I often looked forward to our babies getting hungry again because it meant that I had this EXCUSE to be alone with the baby - ridiculous? I know. Maybe it sounds that way - but it's the truth and if you'd seen Aiden at about 6 months old you know that mommy LOVED to feed her baby! He was so chunky he was square and had no neck.

Anyhow, with multiples the stakes are a little higher with 4 hungry mouths to feed all at the same time. Throw in some horrible cases of reflux, some picky eaters (WE WANT NO FORMULA), and a couple prescriptions that taste like muck and you have got yourself a recipe for disaster if all the cards fall the wrong way at once. It is a crazy juggling act for one person, and even at a really good feed (which we have MANY of - don't get me wrong) it is not so much about enjoying the moment with the babies as making sure everyone is eating well, burping at the appropriate times, not barfing while burping, nobody gets so worked up waiting for their turn to eat that they REFUSE to eat or immediately barf everywhere... you get the picture.

But that night in hospital it was Cameron and me. That's it. And it felt wonderful to remember how beautiful it is to devote 100% of yourself to one gorgeous baby. And even though he was all hooked up to monitors (NICU flashbacks.. ugh) and IV's - I slept with him at my side and nursed him whenever I could to comfort him... it was just wonderful. And that next morning when I felt him stirring next to me... I opened my eyes and looked down at our beautiful baby... and he opened his eyes wide, looking up at me, and smiled.

Our Cameron was back.

It still gives me goosebumps.

That was an amazing moment for me - I don't think I will ever forget it.

Please keep in mind that up until that point Cameron still hadn't really opened his eyes all the way (we like to joke that Cameron always looks excited because he has such big, beautiful eyes!), hadn't really recognized us, definitely hadn't smiled - and oh boy - those Cameron smiles! They are priceless gems filled with dimples and crooky smiles =) I could see the life in Cam's big eyes again, I could see our baby.

Times like these there is truly nothing you can do but thank God. We honestly went to bed not knowing what the outcome would be for Cameron and if we would ever see the light in his eyes again - and I woke up with our prayers answered.

And as the tears once again rolled down my cheeks, they were happy tears this time. I hugged Cameron as tight as I could and smothered him in kisses as I praised God over and over and over again... "Thank you God, Thank you God..."

That morning Cameron endured all the testing the doctors had ordered for him; EEG (brain - to look for signs of a seizure), EKG (heart), another xray (lungs), as well as the fact they had been taking his vitals like every 3 hours or something crazy all through the night (so much for our night of undisturbed sleep together). I was by his side for all of them and he did great - that EEG prep is painful to watch! It honestly took for-EVER to get any sort of results - and that was frustrating. Yes, I was thrilled - Cameron was acting completely normal and I felt really good that the chances he had any lasting damage are not as high as I had thought. I truly thought it was inevitable not knowing how long he'd been oxygen deprived. But the doctors assured me time and time and time and time again that I must have walked in and found Cameron fairly quickly after it happened because if he had been without oxygen for any extended period of time (they can't pin-point what exactly EXTENDED is... 2 minutes? 10 minutes? 20 minutes?) his heart would have stopped and would not have been able to resesitate him by merely whacking him on the back.

The consistency of this message from them has done wonders in helping to calm my fears about Cam's future. Yet we had not seen the doctor yet nor received any test results by early afternoon and it was FRUSTRATING. When the ped finally made it into our room that day he still did not have all the answers - the EEG would take days to get back results on - but he felt that Cameron would continue to recover well. They believe that he has pneumonia due to the aspiration and so he is on medication for that. But other than that everything seemed OK.

They were searching for answers as to WHY Cameron spit up in his sleep that day - while Jeremy and I were looking for answers as to whether or not he would be OK because we feel that we KNOW why - FORMULA. Yes, it is odd that he spit up so far after a feeding, we don't normally see that amount that far after the fact... but they have been having such a hard time adapting to their 1/2 formula, 1/2 breastmilk bottles... but I promise I won't go off about it all again. I just want to say that I am no longer taking this problem as lightly - we are downright ticked off. We want solutions and we want answers - NOW. I am doing all the research I can on my own to get our babies healthy and eating well again... it nearly cost little Cam his life.

I swear I sleep with one eye open now, and I don't let any of them out of my sight at nap time for fear that history will repeat itself at our home... it is a blessing beyond words that I got to Cameron when I did.

Thank you God.

Thank you Angel Meadow.

Thank you Dane. Without his cry I would've read Aiden that book first instead of going to wake Cameron to eat and that extra 10 minutes... well... I don't want to think about it.

It has been a week now and we are starting to get back to life as "usual" - Cameron is trying to eat without being sick and Dane is hot on his case for title of most projectile vomit. It's horribly sad, but we are trying to do everything we can to help all our babies get through feeding time the best they can - especially with the meds for pneumonia and GERD. Nobody likes the meds... and trying out feeding methods, noise levels, burping intervals... we are testing it all and taking notes on what works and what clearly DOES NOT. We will get there - and in the meantime we are loving our babies up. Cameron seems to have an extra sparkle in his eye since our horrible scare last week - he has been a champ at the tummy time rollovers and reaching for his siblings! I am so happy to see him thrive - any and all reassurance that he is going to OK...

Thank you for your prayers - and please continue to pray that we find our way - I know we will - this is one tough family I am a part of ... I love each and every one of our children so very much and it is times like these that we are reminded how precious life is... we never forget, but we appreciate a little more now too.

I realize this blog became extremely long as I wrote about what happened to Cameron last week - and I feel that I could write on for another 3 hours... but please understand that it is hard to put into words what we went through.

And I hope you'll enjoy these pics of our fam:

Caleb checking Dane's heartbeat during a rigorous tummy time/rollover session... uhhh... Cale? WHERE is his heart again?

Cameron smiling in all his glory

Dane and his big baby blue eyes...

Summer Girl - did Cam just finish with a good joke, or what?The Lew Crew - and our Charlie Brown Christmas tree... yeah baby!


Gabrielle said...

You had me in tears, so glad to hear Cameron is ok!! I'm sure that was incredibly scary for you! Your a wonderful mom Tonya! I don't know how you do it! Love you!!
Love, your cousin gabrielle

Kimmi said...

Wow Tonya~

I can't even imagine! You are truly amazing. I think about you all daily and wonder how you are doing. You really deserve the mom of the year award. I am so happy Cam is going to be alright! What a trooper. Just know we will keep praying for you guys!

Merry Christmas!


Anonymous said...

Your story is incredible and inspiring. You guys need to be on OPRAH or something like it.

Merry Christmas and God bless you all.

Anonymous said...

Your family will be included in the Praise Report at bible study tonight. What an incredibly awful experience with a wonderful ending. We'll keep you all in our prayers.

Kara said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kara said...

I have tears running down my face. I can't imagine what you went through. You handled the situation and it sounds like you did everything right! I am so glad that Cam is doing well. Praise God!!

If you are having troubles sleeping and worry, I use an angelcare monitor for my baby and used one for the twins as well. I was so worried with the twins since they were preemies and came home on monitors.

Sending lots of prayers your way.


Dana said...

Wow--this was definintely one of those stories where I had to skip to the end and make sure everything was OK. So glad your angels were watching closely and that sweet boy is fine. Do you need some Angel Care baby monitors? I will get some to you if you need them--you would be able to rest easier.
Have a wonderful Christmas.
Dana M.

Tricia said...


I can't even imagine how scary this must have been. I think of you often and especially after reading this post. You are Super Mom- truly, what an amazing woman you are...and an amazing family the both of you have created

Tricia (NICU)

Suzanne said...

holy cow! a blogger buddy pointed me over in your direction after reading your story b/c we had the SAME experience with one of OUR quadruplets!

right around 2.5 months, our little girl had spit/refluxed up through her nose and mouth and had stopped breathing (i found her blue and ashy)...your story brought back SOOOOO many memories!

God is SOOOO gracious! thank you for sharing and i'm SO glad baby Cam is doing great!
blessings to you and your beautiful family!

fellow quad mom to BGBB 16 month old quads!

Maggie said...

WOW!! I am so sorry that happened! I cried so much reading that post! You are amazing to have made it through that!

On another note, I was wondering if you would write a post about Meadow. From what I got out of this post, she is Aiden's twin sister and she passed away? I would love to hear about her and read her story.

fern said...

That was one of the scariest things I've ever read. You poor thing. I am so impressed with you and how well you're handling everything, and I hate that you all had such a scare.

My three older kids (singleton girl and twin boys) all had reflux and formula was a big problem. My youngest child (another singleton girl) didn't have reflux and nursed better than any of the others, but she wasn't gaining weight fast enough so the doctors encouraged me to supplement with formula. That led to months of horrible puking experiences, where she'd even throw up blood and pass out in between times, and we took her to the dr and the ER and everyone said there was no way it could be due to formula, even though these times coincided with her having formula.

Of course, it was the formula.

I'm not anti-formula -- I'm thrilled it is available!! But I think you are probably right if your gut tells you it is the culprit behind Cam's episode.

You are amazing. Keep up the good work!

Misty said...

I'm so glad Cameron is ok. I had a very similar experience, except my little girl had a febrile seizure that left her barely breathing. You post brought back soooo many memories. I prayed the whole time reading your entry!
I hope you had a merry Christmas!
MOM to gggg quads (2yo)

Anonymous said...

T and Jeremy,
I hadn't checked the blog for a couple of weeks and I couldn't believe what I was reading. How horrible for all of you to go through. I am so thankful Cam is doing fine. I still have tears running down my face, just thinking about it. We continue to pray for your family and know God is with you each day. We'd love to come up and see you all again and love on those babies! Take care and know that you are loved!

Ron and Carol Salladay

Anonymous said...

Tonya, I'm speechless. It is amazing how an ordeal like that really puts things in perspective. I hope your Christmas was as wonderful as ours. Love you and hope to see you soon.

The Salladays

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