Try, try, try... try?

Oh looky here, me again. I know I have a LOT of ground to cover so I am going to try to keep plugging away to get us all up to speed on our family.

So, yes, we were going to try that fateful "one more try" - and try we did... and try... and try... I remember on our last "trying" session when I took that pregnancy test and got another negative I actually told Jeremy "I'm not sad this time... I think I'm downright p*issed off! I don't know why - but I'm just angry about it!" Ummmm... maybe you've been in my shoes before and you are a perpetual early tester yourself, mommies... whoops. Boy did I miss the boat on THAT one. Who'd have guessed that I waited a full 10 days (PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE, right?) and got a negative with FOUR BABIES making their way to implantation at that exact moment!?!? So, being the persistent one that I am, I tested everyday for the next 5 days... I was waiting for one thing or the "other" to happen - and neither was! It was odd. And Jeremy just thinks (or knows) I'm nuts and to sorta' ignore me after a while with the whole thing. Right-O. So finally, I think it was like day 16 after the big DAY that I saw one of those "am I imagining this line it's so faint" test results. Again, I'm sure some of you have been there. So, being the calm, logical woman I am (cough, cough) I waited at least 15 seconds before flying to the phone to call my OB and tell them I had a positive test.

Self control is a strong suit of mine...

They, of course, indicated that they wanted to wait another couple days to see if the "other" would still happen and then bring me in to start the HCG testing every other day. For those of you that don't know, they want your HCG #'s to double every 2 days. That is a decent indicator that early in pregnancy that everything is progressing well and your chances of miscarrying diminish with every confirmed doubling. My first test must have been on a Wednesday late afternoon, because they wanted me in for another test Friday evening. Just so happens that I was heading downstate after work that Friday with the boys (Jeremy was staying back to catch whitey) for a fun-filled girlie weekend of baby shower registering with my sister-in-law Jessica (see pic at left of me with Jeremy's sister's Jessica, and Kristy - Jess is now 36 weeks prego - yahoo!) as well as for the baby shower of my girlfriend Kris (see pic below - and who is now the proud mommy of her beautiful twins Jacob and Carley!). SO - I had to figure out a way to get to the hospital and get my blood drawn by like 9pm or something. Only small glitch is that my mom WORKS as an RN at that exact hospital (it's right across the street from my parents house where we were staying Friday night). Why a glitch, you ask?

Well, I will tell you that in the past Jeremy and I have been very reluctant to share with anyone other than each other when we are actually "trying" just because of the emotional rollercoaster associated with it in our past. Again, if you have been in our shoes, you understand completely that it helps nobody to get the constant (although well intentioned) "Are you pregnant yet?" quiz monthly from friends and family. I strongly believe that stress is a HUGE roadblock for those of us who have and do conceive difficultly, and we try to do all we can to alleviate any unnecessary stress where we can in our lives during this time. So, mums the word. And it is shocking that I can keep this secret from my family because I am extremely close with them. But I also know that we live 4 hours away from them and it would drive THEM nuts knowing the stress that we were under too - so nobody seemed to win if we opened our trap.

However, this time we decided it would be different. Again, it was our absolute last "try" to add to our family and I WANTED to share in every single up and down with my mom.... so thankfully, in this case, her working at the very hospital that I would need my HCG test done at was a TOTALY BLESSING!!! She could make sure the fax from my doc in Traverse City made it down, confirm the lab hours, etc. Things that are nice not to have to worry about when it is in an unfamiliar hospital. So, we go as soon as we get down. I think she met us there actually. And we had the results really quickly (thanks mom? probably.): our numbers had more than quadrupled. Hmmmm... I believe Jeremy's EXACT words when I called him that night were "So.... what? Does that mean we have four little buggers in there this time? Ha, ha, ha..."

Who gets the last laugh on that one? Not so sure anymore...

I, of course, was on cloud 9 all weekend!! I had no idea what the numbers ACTUALLY meant, and they certainly warn you that super high HCG numbers does NOT mean that you have multiples or are out of the "woods" for a miscarriage (do a internet search and scare yourself if you feel the need... but some reasons are not pleasant for high results). But they did feel good enough about it all to tell me that they didn't need me to come in for anymore HCG tests at all! WHAT? I'm used to like 3 or 4 of them at least... so to do just 2? I took that as a reassuring decision. Again, we didn't tell anyone because we still didn't technically KNOW anything. But I can tell you that helping someone register for their baby shower and then GOING to a baby shower are even THAT MORE FUN when you are so psyched to possibly be pregnant yourself too!!!

The only downfall with the no more HCG test thing is that we now had to wait until week 7 to go in for the ultrasound and see what was actually going on. My patience does not take this wait easily (see earlier reference to the phone sprint) and I was bouncing off the walls! Not knowing is almost more excruciating than knowing in my book. At least once you KNOW you can set your path accordingly... but this waiting... again - a lot of you have probably been there so I will say no more.

Then FINALLY week 7 rolls around!!! And, as Jeremy and I have shared with many of you, it was an odd situation once more because Jeremy had this ice fishing trip planned to the U.P. with a bunch of Tech buddies for a LONG time (see pic below - it's an old one from a camping trip a bunch of us took - but this just gives you an idea of the amazing circle of friends that we have from Tech. These are just the boys with the chitlins (at that time... you could probably triple that number now - ha!)... and the ultrasound appointment fell smack dab in the midst of it. Now, in total fairness he OFFERED NOT TO GO - but this was ludicrious to me! I hope, to those of you who know me, that the least I can say is that I am all for my hubby (and I) having our fun times off with our friends occasionally - it is needed people. And if you DON'T make time for it in your marriage you SHOULD!!! I very, very rarely "Tell him no", and vice versa. We spend 90% of our free time together with each other and our children, and respect each others need for time with friends. It cracks me up when I hear about how tied down a lot of hubbies are with their wives... why do these women torture themselves and their husbands like this? Seems to just create more problems to me... but I won't get off on THAT tangent for hours. My point being that I knew it would be ridiculous to ask Jeremy not to go when I clearly had the option of changing my app't date (WHAT?) or... (drum roll, please) using this as a great way to spend time with my mom again and have her come up to go to the appointment with me!! Yep, it was a pretty cool opportunity the more I thought about it - and I knew, no matter what, Jeremy was only a phone call away. Plus my mom was JACKED about being there!! And, if you know Sherry (mom), she was LOVING the fact that she would be the absolute FIRST PERSON ON THE PLANET TO KNOW whether or not we were prego =) Bless her heart! It was exciting....

Here's a pic of my mom and dad... aren't they the CUTEST!?!? 34 years and counting, baby... what an inspiration they are to us.

So - we go. Sweaty palms, upset stomach and all... we make it to my OB's office. And what does the ultrasound pic reveal? Hmmmm... (and I quote) "Well, there's more than a couple of them in there... that's for sure." Huh? I'm pretty sure my mom and I both needed a tab bit of clarification on this one... and here's what he showed us: sac one: fetal pole with beating heart. sac two: fetal pole with beating heart. "TWINS!" I yell out!! Oh, but no so fast batman.... sac three: potential fetal pole (it's early, folks) but no visible beating heart. And, gulp, sac FOUR: no visible fetal pole or beating heart.

Insert cricket noises here....

Then lot's of random doctor comments about how "The first two look good, but I give the third one about a 50% chance of survival and the fourth one, well, maybe a 20% chance. I know it must be overwhelming, but really, don't get yourself too upset or panic yet. There is a very real chance that the last two will not make it, Tonya...." and on, and on, and on.... but by this time it was pointless... he wasn't even in the room with us... he may have well been talking to the wall or plodding on about the weather or something...

Insert Tonya and mom laughing hysterically and non stop here....

And keep going...

And still more...

SERIOUSLY, ladies - GET A GRIP!!

Whew! I suppose in hindsight, you either laugh, cry, or completely lose it when faced with the potential for having four babies growing inside you. We chose a combo between the laugh and lose it sections and I think it worked out pretty good... we laughed so hard and the tears flowed so easily (not sad ones) it was like one of those crazy personal jokes that you share with someone and after about 5 minutes you can't even REMEMBER why you were laughing in the first place - you know? That hardly GUFFAW that releases every ounce of tension you may have built up... and it feels awesome.